suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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