lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
