In the future we'll all be gay
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
