So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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