The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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