I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
