Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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