ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
