Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
