My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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