When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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