dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
