party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
