Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You can't special order awesome
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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