It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
