hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
