My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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