he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
