Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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