I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
