my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
