On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
