I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
