in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
