Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
