Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
