I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
