For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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