he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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