she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
