Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
