She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
