I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
