More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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