I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
