Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
