i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
