no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
