I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
