fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
