if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
