If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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