i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
