My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
