I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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