can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
