It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I love having hate sex.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
