Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
