I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
