i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
