when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
