eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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