drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
