Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
