apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
