Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
youre lurking in front of me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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