We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
