I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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