I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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