Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
