this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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