carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
