Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
