hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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