My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
