he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
