Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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