Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
