it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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