I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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