I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just pynch a tree in the face
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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