i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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