I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
