i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
