Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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