Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
