im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
dude. I can hear the air.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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