one two three fourrrrnication!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
