I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
